Dan Waters
Listicle

Alternative bathing liquids

Water's the worst

Tired of lame old water?! Try something else!

1. Contact adhesive

It might be sticky.

2. Insulation adhesive

It's definitely sticky.

3. Adhesive remover

Looks like someone made a mistake.

4. Masking liquid

I don't know what this is.

5. Antifreeze

Tastes like Gatorade!

6. Diesel engine oil

Feel like a dinosaur!

7. Lubricant

Feel like a sex dinosaur!

8. Soap

I don't know what you were using before.
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