Demotivational Mug Reviews

Taking a closer look at some of the 700,000+ mugs that you idiots are buying on Amazon

I review some mugs I found on Amazon. If you suggest others I may review them as well, or delete your suggestions, depending on your taste and my mood.

1. Aesthetic Vaporware Black Coffee Mug Tea Cup Aesthetic

"Aesthetic Vaporware Black Coffee Mug Tea Cup Aesthetic" is the type of mug you should probably buy for your mom. If you are not over the age of 50, you're gonna regret this purchase in the near future. I have no idea what the asian characters mean, nor are they material to the rating of this mug, but might be a good idea to check that out before Grandma is using it for tea time.

Rating: 5/10

2. I love my SWEDISH Husband

"I love my SWEDISH Husband" seems like something you'd find at Goodwill, and it's not clear that the seller isn't actually exploiting a lucrative Goodwill --> Amazon arbitrage opportunity. Regardless, I like this mug. It raises many questions about the owner, possible previous owner, possible previous owner's SWEDISH husband, as well as the impermanence of marriage, life, and humanties place in the universe.

Rating: 8/10

3. Photo Mug of Oil spills and wildlife

"Photo Mug of Oil spills and wildlife" is full of mixed messages. It's unclear if the lizard creature is sad about the destruction of his/her environment at the hands of exploitative industrial practices, or if the artist is delving into the duality of the lizard creature as both living creature as well as ironic enabler of the destruction of his/her environment as a future fossil fuel.

Confusing, to be sure, but fun.

Rating: 9/10

4. Success Ceramic Coffee Mug

"Success Ceramic Coffee Mug" makes my fingernails itch to scratch at enamel, and also makes me cringe at the thought of scratching the ceramic beneath the enamel which would feel terrible. However, because nothing says success like a diarrhea of nouns and fonts, this would make for a great gift for the right friend, probably the one that hates his/her job.

Rating: 2/10

5. Cooking Gifts Romain Calm Lettuce Carrot On Keep Calm Vegan Gift

"Cooking Gifts Romain Calm Lettuce Carrot On Keep Calm Vegan Gift" is why I got into the demotivational quotes business in the first place, and why everyone hates vegans and mugs with quotes on them. Also, while I'm pretty sure that the romaine and carrot thing were added by an obnoxious cutesy icon designer, it appears the iceburg lettuce is actually just a photo of a head of iceburg lettuce -- which actually makes the mug marginally more appealing.

Rating: 1/10

6. Human Notice Me Senpai Shark

"Human Notice Me Senpai Shark" is hard to imagine in the hands of anyone over the age of 16, which similar to our friend "Aesthetic Vaporware Black Coffee Mug Tea Cup Aesthetic" makes it a reasonable choice the elderly. Also a good choice if you are truly fucking weird and miserable. Everyone else should stay far, far away.

Rating: 3/10

7. Dunder Mifflin (The Office) World's Best Boss TV Television Show

"Dunder Mifflin (The Office) World's Best Boss TV Television Show" if you ever even once think about buying this, I'm sorry but there is no hope left for you.

Rating: 0/10

8. Jackson Pollock Mug

"Jackson Pollock Mug" is a great way to be pretentious without being too obvious about it. Most will assume you have really bad taste in mugs, while in fact you'll be enjoying a classic Modernist work while looking down nose at a sadly uneducated proletariat with each sip of organic fair trade blend.

I hate people, and I'm pretty into Pollock, so:

Rating: 10/10
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