Sam Jackson

The Worst Dash Buttons

Yes, they are all bad, but...

Dash buttons are Staples' easy button come to life. They are little buttons that connect to the internet and automatically order products from Amazon when you push them. Amazon sells a lot of fairly useful ones, e.g. for toiletries. You can imagine it might be nice to have a button sitting around the bathroom to push when you notice the soap getting low.

This use case, easy fulfillment of recurring purchases, makes a lot of sense, and Amazon has gone out of its way to identity products that people are buying frequently enough to justify creating a Dash button for them.

However, this also means that any product with a Dash button has some of the highest demand of any of the goods on Amazon.

Think about that as you read through this list, and you'll see why the buttons below are really truly the worst.

1. DUDE wipes

I had to look these up. I guess they are like the 5 gum of sanitary wipes, apparently aimed at guys that are insecure about their masculinity but also very cleanly. Just get a normal baby wipe, OK?

2. Play-Doh

Presumably this is useful for replacing the Play-Doh your child just ate, so that it can... eat more? Maybe just stop buying Play-Doh?

3. Red Bull

Thank god Dash buttons don't process extra button clicks until the order has arrived, because you know they household that has this is mashing the shit out of it all hours of the day. At least you can rest easy knowing Red Bull's ridiculous profit margins are being used to make the world a better place...

4. Digestive Advantage

Digestive Advantage makes "Intensive Bowel Support Capsules" of all kinds. If you're using these regularly enough that you need a Dash button I feel bad for you, but also, gross.

5. Slim Jim

Goddamnit. I thought these were confined to interstate gas stations, but apparently somebody somewhere is crushing these on a daily basis. Insert your own 'Merica joke, I'm too depressed.
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